Beauty School Drop-out

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I have only ever had a passing acquaintance with make-up, and all things beauty. Oh yes, I used to read the beauty articles in my copy of Dolly or Girlfriend, and later New Idea or Woman's Day (I never bought fashion glossies, too intimidating). My mother only wears minimal make-up, and when she does it looks a little... strange. Pretty sure her mother never taught her how to put it on either.

I'm aware that I probably should be more interested in things like lipliner, eyelash curlers and primer, but recently I realised I don't actually have to be. One day I was reading some boring article comparing different mascaras and it hit me – I don't have to read this. I'm not interested in it AT ALL. Turn the page and move on, dear.

And so since that day, I completely skip the beauty section of any magazine I'm reading. I'm sure there are some beauty editors out there that would faint to hear me say that, but I just can't bring myself to care about different ways to apply your eyeshadow, or what this season's trendy lipstick shade is.

This lackadaisical attitude does have its problems however. Interested, or not, I do feel the need to actually wear make-up to work. Having had no-one ever show me how to put it on properly, I have over the past years developed a slapstick morning routine involving sunscreen moisturiser, foundation and a lick of mascara. I've bought multiple different foundations over the years and am never quite sure if I've got the right shade or if I'm applying it correctly.

I've decided though, that I need to learn. At least, learn the basics of a “going-out” look. Why? Because I think it would make me feel a bit better about myself. Dressing up always boosts my confidence, but I'm always thinking that my make-up isn't half as good as anyone else's. How do you get that liquid eyeliner on without painting your entire lid with it?

So, now I'm wondering where to begin. Should I go to a department store and ask one of those startlingly thin, perfectly made-up young whippets to give me a beauty makeover? I'm convinced they'll just tart me up like a two dollar hooker and try to sell me as much product as possible. Eep!

On the other hand, Carly from Extremely Hyper recently went to Napoleon Perdis and gave a positive review, so I'm also thinking of doing that.

Help me out here, folks?